Welcome to my world. I *just* vacuumed... Wipe your feet before you come in.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I have no idea who this famous blogger was. It wasn't DD, Dooce, Finslippy, Julie, DaMomma, or Julia. I don't think any of those listed above even read my blog (other than DD)
Was it YOU?? If so, please let me know if we made it to Earth Sciences on time.
Monday, November 17, 2008
We were all sick this weekend. Will was sent home from daycare on Thursday. He vomited once there, but not again all night, so he went back on Friday and was fine.
Friday night, Joe was working, so the kids & I had a little piece of ham steak and noodles. I had a glass of wine around 9ish and went to bed at 10ish. At 12:45 I woke with that, "OH NO!! I GOTTA GO!!" feeling and sure enough, the runs. ewwwww. I go back to bed & wake at 2:something feeling all oogey in the tummy. yep. I'm sick. get up a couple more times in the night.
Saturday Joe comes home from work with a queasy stomach. He goes to bed a t 6pm. I hear him in the bathroom around 7:30.
I get Maggie ready for bed at 8:00. As I'm helping her with the footies, she says, "I think I'm gonna puke Mom." She tears down the hallway trailing her snowboarding penguin footie pjs behind her. "HOLD MY HAIR!!!" she yells. I drag my sorry ass into the bathroom with a scrunchie & tie her hair up for her. While she's barfing, I run the cold water in the sink & get a washcloth to put on her forehead. She's a little trooper. She does what needs to be done & straightens back up, grabs a tissue, wipes her eyes & blows her nose (she cries too when she gets sick) turns to me & says, "ok I'm done." I wipe her face with the cool washcloth & give her a little cup of tepid water to rinse her mouth. She gargles a few times and spits. I pull her jammies up & zip her in. We walk back to her room, I'm rubbing her back as we go. She crawls into bed, grabs Roger-Belle (her stuffed tiger) and curls up. I put her Princess trashcan next to her bed & tell her that if she needs to be sick later in the night and doesn't think she can make it to the bathroom, just use this. I'll hear you & come to you. I kiss her little clammy forehead and shuffle back to my bed. Sure enough, four hours later I hear her being sick. After she's done, we head to the bathroom to clean up and I tuck her back in. While I'm heading back to my room, Joe comes out and rushes to the bathroom. Oh, god will it never end??
I woke Sunday morning to a clear blue sky and sun pouring into my room, a new day has dawned. May it be puke free. Sure enough, the sickfest has ended. We're all too weak to do much, but we *did* manage to go to Target & spend $140 on a bunch of clothes for Maggie a few tshirts for Will and some stuff for Joe's birthday (which is today). I also managed to go food shopping & late last night, I baked cupcakes for Joe's 46th. Wow. He's old.
Tonight, we'll order hot wings & get some beer (Favorite-dinner-for-the-birthday-person-tradition) open presents & eat cupcakes. Hopefully, no one will puke.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
2. Where is your significant other? Home??
Friday, November 07, 2008
Give up? She lost her first tooth! Well, she didn't lose it, we know where it is. In a little glass jar to keep forever and ever.
At her last dentist appointment, Dr. C told me that her bottom front teeth were both loose and he expected them to be out within 2-3 weeks. That was Oct 13th. He's pretty good huh?
She cried a little while we were wiggling it & trying to get it out, but once it popped free, she was ecstatic! Really. Jumping up & down, cheering, showing Will her teeny-tiny little tooth.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
On a side note, Joe was picking Maggie up at school yesterday afternoon and overheard a few Moms talking about trick-or-treat. Apparently, in our new town, they trick-or-treat on Mischief night. WTF?? Halloween is FRIDAY people! Being my usual distrusting self, I called boro hall this morning to ask if this were true. The secretary told me that there was a flyer being put in everyone mailbox today outlining the time frame(??!) for trick-or-treating on THURSDAY.
Does anyone else out there live where the boro rearranges holidays for no apparent reason?
I simply cannot think of a reason for this. Joe is a police officer & he doesn't understand it either. The town he works in has a extra officers on duty on for Mischief night & a full force on for Halloween night. They also have a few guys at the fire house to help with the checking of candy. Hopefully, the flyer will explain it.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
This past Friday, the kids and I closed the "beachhouse". All the linens were packed & brought home, the plants were brought home, the beach toys were cleaned off & stored under the trailer, the bikes were put away, deck chairs stacked, covered & stored.
He's crying in this shot.
Yes, again, I am taking pictures while driving. In my defense, there was not another soul on the road with us at that particular time of day.
Joe & I will have to take at least one more trip down to winterize & roll up the awning, so by then the foliage should be gorgeous.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Holy shrimp, I've really let myself go. You would think that walking the beach, promenade, chasing a 2 year old around would be enough. Apparently not.
I wouldn't post pictures of the ugliness that is my thighs, but trust me. It's bad.
I had on size 10 jeans yesterday and the "sit-fat" was awful. The belly-fat roll was ohmygod disgusting! My hips/thighs/ass are gross.
I'll give you the numbers:
I am 5'6" tall.
I weigh 158.4 lbs
My measurements are: 38-30-40 My thighs are 21 inches around at the fattest part.
I do have a large frame, and I used to be very athletic. My shoulders are broad and my arms are really nice and toned. You wouldn't believe how good a workout picking up a 30 something lb toddler is!
Now, to be kind to myself, for the most part; I do look ok with clothes on. Except the Phillies t-shirt that Joe brought home for me the other day. He picked up Men's Medium & boy, do I look lumpy in it. I think I'll take it back & exchange it for a Large. So this is mainly a "toning" thing. I'm sure the cookies don't help, but I really just need to get up & move.
When I got pregnant with Will, I was 135 lbs. I was too thin. I think I had lost a bunch of weight after the miscarriage. Since I was so sad, I never felt like eating.
It's not even that I eat too much (well, maybe a little) it's WHAT I eat. The kids seem to think that you're supposed to have pasta with every meal. Elbow macaroni w/tomato sauce is a staple.
Chicken is always fried. Never baked/sauteed/stewed or roasted. There is a LOT of ground beef. Meatloaf (yuk) hamburgers, beef-a-roni(yuk), meatballs, stuffed peppers etc....
I'm the only one in the house who really enjoys salad. The kids will eat it if I put it on their plates, but they only like the cucumbers/tomatoes/carrots not so much the lettuce part of the salad so I generally don't make salads. The lettuce would go bad before we ate it.
When I make a meal that I don't particularly like (see Meatloaf/beef-a-roni) I will usually just eat whatever vegetable I make & some bread. Then at 8:30 after the kids go to bed & I'm sitting on the sofa either folding laundry or reading/watching t.v., I eat tortilla chips & salsa or a bag of the kids' lunch snacks.
I'm going to try to eat better. Today I had 1 piece of Cinnamon raisin toast, a bowl of Cheerios w/ banana slices for breakfast. Lunch is going to be a small chef salad from Wawa, and I didn't take anything out of the freezer for dinner, so that's up in the air right now. I didn't buy any junk food this weekend at the grocery store, so the 1 pound bag of pretzels that I bought for the kids will have to be hidden from me.
Anybody want to give me some diet tips or exercises that do NOT include jogging/running (I have a bad ankle, I can't run) I'd appreciate it. I think I might go stock up on some of those frozen diet dinners & I'll have that instead of the stuff I make for Joe. I hear the South Beach stuff isn't so bad.
Say, wanna join me in a little Internet competition? We could do our own version of "The Biggest Loser" Whoever loses the highest percentage of body weight wins a prize? Maybe a tin of cookies.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
What the hell is WRONG with people??
Call me old-fashioned but when a Police Officer stops your car, person, or catches you in the act of doing something you're not supposed to be doing, it is NOT ok to open fire on him.
Joe is a Police Officer. He joined to help people. To Protect and to Serve. He means that. He lives that. I hate seeing him in uniform with the mourning band over his shield. I've seen it 3 times already this year. It makes me worry more about his safety every single shift he works.
I would never ask him to stop being a cop. He's been on the force for 14 years now; it's in his blood. It's part of who is.
I don't usually ask this of you, internet, but could you please say a little prayer or think good thoughts for Officer Patrick McDonald and his family and friends?
Friday, September 19, 2008
To celebrate, at 4 PM today, we will be joining our very good friends Mike & Kellie at their wedding! Joe will be the best man. I get to do the 2nd reading. I wonder if we'll be able to get together & hold hands or something during the exchange of vows, so we can sort of renew our vows.
This promises to be a very Irish-themed wedding; Mike has a drum & fife group scheduled to play as they are leaving the church and at the reception. Should be pretty good time!
Monday, September 15, 2008
ME: Really? Well, did you learn anything?
MAGGIE: No. Just played. With Abigail, Erin & Jeanine.
ME: Hmm. So how do like Kindergarten so far?
MAGGIE: It's alright.
For this, I'm paying over 2K a year.
I was "Snack-Mom" on Friday. I sent in 4 bags of presliced apples & caramel dipping sauce. (I should have sent martinis as was the suggestion from PeevedMichelle) I put the shopping bag in her backpack, with strict instructions to give the bag to Ms. H. Guess who left the bag in her packpack all day? Yep. When I went to pick her up after school, I grabbed her bag from the hook & almost gave a little boy a concussion. Don't you think at snack time, Ms. H. would have asked Maggie what snack she had brought in for the class?
I hope they don't think I'm a deadbeat.
Monday, August 18, 2008
This weekend, Maggie has "besided" (decided) that we will go to the pool first, go back to the trailer, have lunch, Will can nap & then go to the beach for late afternoon. After dinner, we could all go to the Promenade for the music. (I should have named her Julie)
After an hour or so of standing in the water, catching Will as he jumps off the side of the pool, talking Maggie through her strokes (She has had 3 different swim classes in the past 4 years, WHY can't she swim???) I decided that I was sufficiently pruned and that we should head back to the house. While I was trying to convince Will that he needed to put his shoes on, towelling off, and trying to stuff the towels/sunblock/swimmies into the pool bag, Maggie says she wants to take one more quick dip.
I was busy with Will and it didn't hit me until I heard the note of panic in her "MOMMY!!!"
She never put her swimmies back on. She went down the first 3 steps and pushed off the bottom step into the 4 foot deep water. As I spun around, heart in my throat, clutching the ladybug swimmies I had been attempting to stuff into the bag, I saw her little face under the water, blue eyes HUGE, she broke the surface of the water, and dog paddled back to the steps.
"Mommy, did you SEE me??!! I was SWIMMING! With NO swimmies!!"
Yes, Peach, I saw you swim. You forgot to put your swimmies on, huh? Were you scared?
"When I didn't feel all "poofy" in the water, I knowed I forgot to put them on , but then I bemembered to keep some air in me so I would float and I just keep kicking my feet. I knew I could do it. "
Next time, wait for me to be in the pool before you decide to swim without the swimmies on, OK?
"Sure Mom, I can't wait to tell Daddy that I swimmed without no swimmies on!"
Swam without swimmies, Peachie-pie.
"Huh?? Oh yeah, whatever"
Monday, August 04, 2008
Maggie, Will and myself are at 10:15 Mass. There is supposed to be Sunday School for Will, but the woman who usually handles the little ones is on vacation, so no Sunday School. SIGH. Will is NOT good at Mass. He lays on the pew, jumps on the kneeler, touches people in front/back of us, (sorry about that, ma'am) shouts at the statues, pulls Maggies hair, etc....
As we're getting ready to head up to the alter so I can receive communion, Maggie loudly complains, "Mommy, it's not fair! I never get one of those Church Mints!!" The woman in front of us BURST OUT LAUGHING! Father actually paused in giving out the host to see what was so funny. I almost expected Sister Kate to ask her to share with the rest of class what was so funny.
It was a nice way to start the week.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
We spent some time on the beach....
She had a birthday party at Putt-Putt Mini Golf...
Had a special "Daddy-Daughter-Day" fishing trip...
And topped off the week with a trip to Dutch Wonderland where after being caught in a torrential downpour, she got to meet a REAL!LIVE!PRINCESS!!!
All in all, she had a pretty good week.
Now, what to do for Will's 2nd birthday? Any and all suggestions will be considered.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I can't stand it when I go to work wearing a seasonal-appropriate-sweater-set (A tank top shell & a short sleeve cardigan) and when I get to work I need to put on my long sleeved knit sweater because they have the thermostat set at 65 degrees.
My feet are freezing & I even have knee hi's & ballerina flats on. I don't know how the people who wear flip flops to work can stand it. I hate to be cold. ESPECIALLY in summer.
Friday, June 06, 2008
See ya Monday, Hope you have a great weekend.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Here are the 3 amigos. This group has been in the same class for the past 4 years.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
I was in Kmart one day last week to pick up a birthday card & saw a 4 pack of kids sunglasses. One blue, green, gold & pink. Will got the blue & green ones, Mag got the gold & pink pairs.
He immediately tore the arm off the blue pair. A few days later, the green pair went out the window of the car. Maggie graciously (HAH!!) let him have her gold ones since she has 4 other pair of sunglasses.
He also loves his knit hat. Keep in mind that it was 85 degrees on Saturday.
Yes, Maggie is wearing a lei and a Phillies dog collar. See? Kewel, I tell ya.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Monday night, he was in pain from a cortisone shot in his foot (OUCH!!) so he took a Perc0cet before bed. Percs make Joe a little "goofy". He doesn't get sleepy, he just gets silly. While he's all Per'cd up, he likes to talk to me while I'm trying to go to sleep. Monday's night conversation was the differences between Barack & Hillary. After a slight difference of opinion, he started his next sentence like this:
Joe: "Let me explain this to you in a way that you can understand."
ME: :::THUMPATHUMPATHUMPATHUMPA::::: the sound of the blood pounding in my ears.
Joe: "WhanWhanWahnWah, WhanWhanWhanWha" (Like Charlie Brown's teacher)
I didn't hear anything after "In a way that you can understand"
After a few noncommital grunts and Uh-huh's from me, he let me go to sleep.
Now while I undertand that he didn't mean to imply that my IQ (134 in high school, if you want to know) was in question ,I was pissed off at him all day Tuesday.
While we were having dinner Tuesday night, I brought it up that he sort of offended me the night before. When I told him what he had said, he apologized profusely and told me that he doesn't remember saying it.
After we were finished eating, he said, "Lemme make it up to you. Don't worry about the dishes tonight."
I said, "Oh, THANK YOU!!" (We had fried chicken, veggies & mashed potatoes, so there were A LOT of dishes)
Joe says, "Yeah, No biggie, you can do them in the morning."
I think it is his gift of being able to ALWAYS make me laugh that saves his ass.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I put on the Classic Rock Channel & Led Zepplin is just coming on. Maggie is sitting in her booster JAMMIN"!! Wearing her hot pink sunglasses & denim jacket giving me "Rock Fingers"
Maggie: I LIKE this song, Mommy. What's it called?
Me: This is called "Black Dog"
Maggie: Oooh! A song about the man's dog?
:::As I sing along with the opening verse:::
Hey, hey, mama, said the way you move,
gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.
Oh, oh, child, way you shake that thing,
gonna make you burn, gonna make you sting.
Hey, hey, baby, when you walk that way,
watch your honey drip, can't keep away.
ME: Ummmm, no honey, it's not about his dog.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Maybe it's me, but I'm not feelin' the love from Joe lately.
He gets home from work at 2:30 - 3:00 in the afternoon. When I'm done work at 5:00, I go pick up the kids, drive home, lug them & all their stuff into the house, take off/hang up jackets, supply snacks, make dinner, clean up after dinner, give baths, then put aforementioned kids to bed.
For the past few days, when I come home, he heads downstairs to work on the car or putter around in the workshop, or download some music/play on the computer. He comes up for dinner, then usually heads back down for another half hour or so. He'll come back up to watch some tv, play with the kids, then head to bed around 10ish. Couldn't he do that crap before I get home?
Last night, He went up a little after 10, I headed up around 11. When I walked past our door heading to the bathroom for my nightly ritual of peeing, hand washing, contact removal, make-up removal, face washing, teeth brushing & hair brushing, the tv was on & he was sitting on the side of the bed.
In the 5 minutes it took me to complete my pre-bed maintenance, the lights were off, the tv was off & he was lightly snoring. I think he was faking.
I don't think that there's anything going, I believe that he's faithful. (I'd kill him if I found out otherwise) I just think that maybe he's been working too hard.
Just sometimes, I feel like an afterthought with him. Like I'm the absolute last person he thinks of. There are days where he enthusiastically greets the kids when we come home, "Hi Mags!! I missed you ALLLL day today!! How was school? Hey there Willz!! What's going on big guy? Gimme some knuckles!!" To me, "hi. what's for dinner?"
I'm not asking for a friggin' marching band, but damn! A little affection would be nice.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
I shut my right index finger in the truck door last Monday. First of all, how the hell did I do that?? I was standing on the sidewalk facing the car. I had put a box on the front passenger side seat. I shut the door with my right hand. How did my finger manage to get in there? Anyway.... the cut is pretty deep. It's right at the 1st knuckle so typing is difficult, writing is painful and that's usually the finger that Will holds when we're walking anywhere. It hurts.
I probably should have got a stitch or five. Now, I'm thinking that it's getting infected. The skin around the cut is raised and dry looking, but the tip of my finger and the area surrounding the cut is really warm to the touch. The swelling has gone down considerably. but it's still swollen.
The Powers That Be here at work have made the decision to move the accounting dept into a teeny-tiny little area of the Import dept. Have I mentioned before how much I HATE moving?
I think the P.T.B. should pack up all this paper & move it themselves.
My husband is driving me crazy. Not in a good way. Not only did he forget to pay the car insurance (yes. I am driving around with no insurance. GAH!) He also needed have his vehicle inspected by yesterday. Guess who didn't take care of that? Asshole.
I forgot my purse today.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
In the past 2 months, Maggie has been healthy for about 3 weeks.
She started the year off with a wicked head cold. The kind where your face feels swollen? She said her eyes felt "big".
A few colds here & there; allergies acting up; that sort of thing.
Last week she had the flu. When I took her to the Dr's (after the 3rd straight day of 102 + temps) he agreed that she had flu. She got sick last Sunday. (The 1st) She did nothing but lie on the sofa all afternoon. Monday & Tuesday she stayed home with Joe. He would give Tylenol/Motrin and the fever would go down, but she was still very sick. She wouldn't eat, could only keep sips of water down. Nothing tasted good to her. She usually likes Gatorade, but she wanted nothing to do with it. She finally started coming around Friday. Saturday & Sunday she was back to her old self. She even helped me with the laundry & dusting.
Spent the better part of Sunday harassing Will. Sunday morning she even demanded "REAL pancakes, not the frozen kind", after seeing this kid refuse food for a whole week (she even turn down Jell-O!), I made her pancakes. REAL pancakes. Extra butter & syrup.
This morning she woke up with "ear-juice". While we were at the Dr's, he was looking at her ears & found a hard, chunk of wax that he could not get out with his little scooper-outer-thing. He told me to put a couple drops of mineral oil in her ears every other day & that would "melt" some of the wax. If I didn't see the wax plug come out in 7 - 10 days, she was to go back in. I was hoping (HA!!) it was just that. No such luck.
Daycare just called. She's running a 101.6 temp & complaining that her throat/ear/belly/head hurts. Joe just went to daycare & picked her up & said the gunk is flowing out of her ear. Eww.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Monday, March 03, 2008
1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Make sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.
3. You asked for it: I'm the most boring person on the face of the planet.
a. I listen to news radio CONSTANTLY in the car. It started when I was going to the beach house & needed to know the traffic situations. Even though they give Traffic-on-the-2's & Weather-on-the-8's I always seemed to miss them. We're usually too busy playing "I Spy" or "Guess the Animal".
b. I watch "Ghost-Hunters". It pisses me off EVERY episode because they NEVER "catch" anything. Just once, I'd like to see them get a full body apparitionof a ghost giving Grant the finger on camera or a really clear EVP. "Hi, My name is Frank. I am the ghost here, now get the hell out of my house!"
c. When I pluck my left eyebrow, it always makes me sneeze. Never the right side, just the left.
d. I majored in Culinary Arts in high school. I really enjoy prepping & cooking; I especially enjoy baking. I married a man who likes everything PLAIN. He would eat meat loaf every night if I would cook it for him. No spices, sauces or "fancy-schmancy" foods for him. SIGH. I miss real cooking.
e. I am "directionally challenged".
f. I have 7 siblings. 5 older brothers, one younger sister, one younger brother.
4. Tagging Christy, TCole and Kate
Saturday, March 01, 2008
I was gently awakened from my peaceful slumber by Maggie poking me in the forehead saying, "Wake up sleepyhead!" I opened one eye & saw that it was 6:45. What 4 1/2 year old wakes up at 6:45 on a SATURDAY??! I roll out of bed, get dressed, feed the little so and so her breakfast. Go back upstairs, wake Will who has once again, peed through his Pamper & soaked the bedding. The bedding that I washed Friday afternoon & put on his bed last night! I should have taken that as an omen & gone back to bed.
I loaded the kids into the truck & drove to the bank. I HATE going to the bank. I had to cash my paycheck from the 2nd job. They do not offer direct deposit.
I took a second job cleaning offices. People, be nice to your cleaning crew. Please don't throw half empty cups of coffee in your wastebasket. Don't try to see if you can stuff that Overnight envelope into your trashcan; the liners, they are cheap. They rip. Most companies put a spare bag in your trash can (I do, anyway) use it.
Aaaannyway, we're at the bank. I park the truck, get the kids out, there is a pickup truck waiting to get out. I stand at the bumper of my truck & wave him on. There is a car parked (illegally) at the MAC machine. White truck goes around the car & smashes into the side of my truck, breaking a piece of trim & the tail light. No major damage right? Dude gets out of his truck, comes over & makes a big fuss about how sorry he is & makes all friendly with the kids. There is no need for the cops since no one was hurt & the damage is minimal. He writes down his name, address & phone # and gives me the name of his mechanic so I can take the truck there & he'll pay to have it fixed. Cool. Off we go. I go to the bank, go to Target, get back home & call Joe at work to tell him about the taillight.
Joe says, "Oh, give me his information, I'll call him & tell him that it's no big deal, we can get the taillight for about $20.00, I can fix it myself." I give him the info & He calls back telling me that some little old lady answered the phone & had never heard of David Stone (the name the guy gave me).
Since Joe is a cop, he logged into whatever system the cops use to track people down and ran the info that I gave him & there is no such address. Son of a Bitch!
At least I'm pretty sure the guy is local since he was at the bank branch. It's a stand alone branch so there was no other place of business he could have been there using. I didn't bother checking his license since I had the kids there & was in a hurry. What an ass I am. But, I'm an ass with a mile wide mean streak. I didn't get the guys plate #, but I DO remember what the truck looked like & I'm VERY good with remembering faces, so if I see this loser around again, you can be sure that I will get his name & CORRECT information and this $20.00 lens that he's trying to dick me out of will be MUCH more expensive.
Man, it sucks to be me lately. But hopefully, good times are rolling around again. It's only 1 more month til we can open the trailer, the Phillies are back on the field & daylight savings starts again on the 9th!
Friday, February 22, 2008
When we went to bed last night, they prognosticators were calling for 1 - 3 " of snow starting around 3 am. I had a good feeling that daycare would be closed.
Sure enough, when the alarm went off at 6, I got up, took a shower, made the coffee, turned on the news & there was the Daycare listed as "CLOSED". Whoo-Hoo! I let the kids sleep in. Of course Will was up at 7 anyway, Maggie is STILL asleep at 7:53 a.m. She'll wake up soon enough.
After some nice hot oatmeal, we'll put our snow pants & boots on & go outside to play in the snow for a bit.
Happy Friday everyone.
Friday, February 08, 2008
THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds".
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
Doc says he would be surprised if she's not at least 5'8".
This amazes me as neither Joe nor myself are "tall" I am the runt in my family at 5'6". Joe is about 5'9". We do have height in both families.
Both of my parents are tall. Dad was 6' & Mom says she's 5' 11", but I think she's 6". My brothers are HUGE & my sister is 5'8".
One of Joe's brothers is 6'2" (He has a 14 year old son who is 6'5"...at 14!! I would hate to have to feed that kid)
Thursday, February 07, 2008
I can't find the iron & my slacks are a wrinkly mess.
I took them into the bathroom with me this morning hoping that the steam from the shower would help. Yeah, not so much. I hate wrinkled stuff.
My mom had bought my sister & me gauzy prairie skirts when we were kids & I refused to wear it because Mom wouldn't iron it for me.
Monday, January 28, 2008
We let her watch "The Royal Rumble" last night. Yes, we shelled out $38.95 to let our little girl watch ::ahem:: pro wrestling.
She has "written" 3 letters to Rey Mysterio telling him how she likes the way that he "rassles" and that she hopes that he comes to our town so that she can meet him.
She has left these letters in the mailbox and thinks that the postman came & took them for her.
Is it me or she a bit too young for a Crush?
Well, her little heart was beaten to the mat with a steel chair last night when Rey lost his match to Edge. We were all lying in our bed watching the match & she was cheering and pumping her little fist when Rey would do his acrobatic moves. At the end, she was practically in tears yelling at the t.v. for Rey to "KICK OUT!! GET UP!!"
We simply held her & let her know that even though Rey Msterio may have lost that particular match, there's a Friday Night Smackdown in a mere 5 days and Rey should be back to his high-flyin' 619'ing self and hey, Mommy's favorite (Batista) got tossed out of the ring in the Rumble.
Oh, God. We're lame.
Monday, January 21, 2008
First off, let me just say, SURPRISE!!!
I am thrilled and honored to be invited to Julie’s Virtual baby shower.
We’re supposed to post little story/anecdote/tips about raising a boy-child. Since Julie IS a girl and has 2 daughters, there’s a little stress regarding the care & maintenance of a boy and his bits. Here are a few things you’ll need to know:
Yes. Boys and girls are different. In every way, shape and form. Not better or worse, just different. Maggie & Will are like night and day, with the exception that if you happen to lie on the floor, you become fair game. I was picking up the toys one night, and noticed a Polly Pocket shoe under the end table. I lay down on my belly to reach under the table & was immediately set upon by two screaming banshees. I guess it’s my own fault for letting them get hooked on WWE FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN, but DAMN! That Batista is Hott.
I, personally, have never been peed on by Will. Maggie has given me 2 golden showers. I guess when girls get out of the tub & the air is a little chilly…..the towel just isn’t enough to soak up the pee. He has, however, peed on the bathroom floor while we were waiting for the tub to fill. We have since adopted the “no-naked-baby-while-water-is-running-rule” in the house. Plus you can usually tell when a boy has to go. Yep, even the little guys get the “pee-pee hard-on”
Toys: Boys Toys are so much more fun than girls. Unless you really enjoy a cup of pretend tea & a plastic cookie on a teeny, tiiiny little chair.
Boys have the trucks, and the planes and the robots and balls. Oh! The balls! Will can barely run 10 feet without tripping over his big ol feet, but give him a ball and he will happily kick it all over the house.
A girl will grab a teddy bear & give it a big, squishy hug. A boy will grab a teddy bear & give it a good, hard, shake. Then a hug.
A girl will push a toy car back & forth saying, “broom, brrrrooom, Beep beep!” A boy will pick up the car, bang it on the glass top of your coffee table and yell at the top of his lungs. A girl will find a stick and stir her pretend soup with it. A boy will shoot you with it.
Clothes: Ok, the girls get this one. Boys clothing is just no fun to shop for. Sure, the first pair of jeans is sweet and they look so cute in their first little Hawaiian print shirt, but after that, meh.
Yes, you can find some funny t-shirts and really neat shoes, but for the most part, your boy is going to live in Osh*Kosh overalls and you will love the fact that yes, you *can* pick them up by the backs of the overalls.
BabyBits: I was a little leery with first few times changing Will. I actually had to call Joe in & ask him how far back to push the foreskin while cleaning his bits. Hey, I’ve never had foreskin to clean around, what do I know?
The Lovin’: Oh, the Lovin’. Will is a boy’s boy. He’s a rough & tumble kind of kid. If you ask for a kiss, nine times out of ten, he will say, “Neh”. But let him fall off of his trike, or Maggie knocks him over, and he will run to Mama and hold his arms up while standing on his tippy-toes. As soon as I scoop him up, the tears stop and he snuggles into my shoulder with his chubby little hands wrapped around the back of my neck, and he whispers, “Mama, awwww-aaaa-aaaww, yuv-ooo” and I just melt.
Congrats Julie, on the impending birth of the one guy who will love you his entire life, no questions asked.
I can hardly wait to “meet” him.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
There is so much to talk about, but none of it is anything I want to talk about.
Let me ‘splain. There is too much. Let me sum up. (in my best Inigo Montoya voice)
We are moving. Out of necessity, not desire. We didn’t find a bigger, better house, we had to find a smaller, cheaper house. NOT a happy time, very very stressful.
On Monday, my Mother-in-law had a heart attack. Early Tuesday morning, she had another (Thank God she was already in the hospital). I *Heart* my Mother in-law. No, really. She’s awesome! I wish she had taught her son to clean up after himself, but other than that, she’s a wonderful lady.
I’m so stressed out and I know I’m taking it out on the kids. Mostly Maggie as she’s the bigger of the two. I’ve yelled at her almost every day this week. This morning was the worst. We had come downstairs & I asked her to put her socks and shoes on while I packed the lunches. 20 minutes later, she is still barefoot. After I told her to PUT HER DAMNED SOX & SHOES ON, she finally tore herself away from morning cartoons and complied. While I was busy trying to wrangle Will into his coat, Maggie casually tells me that she “broke her coat”. My Mom got her a gorgeous Rothchild’s winter coat for Christmas. She was twisting the zipper pull and snapped the pull off the zipper thingy.
Look there, on the dining room floor. See that piece of straw? That’s the one.
I lost my ever-lovin’ mind. I was in her face, grabbed her by the front of her coat, SCREAMING, raw throat, face contorted, veins popping out, screaming how she is so irresponsible! That Me-Mom got her this beautiful coat & she broke it! She can’t have anything nice! She doesn’t take care of her toys, her room is always a mess, she can’t even follow simple instruction on putting!her!damn!shoes!on!!
Each one of these exclamation points was punctuated with a shake. Yep. I shook my kid. Not the violent shaken-baby-type-shake, but one of those point-making shakes. They’re not so bad, right? Every body does that, right? Don’t you? Oh. Please don’t call CYS on me, I don’t think I could take it.
Her big, gorgeous, blue eyes were wide with fear and then they welled up with tears. DUDE! There was fear in her eyes. I had scared her with my freaking out.
Needless to say, we were late this morning because I had to go back upstairs and fix my make-up after sitting on the dining room floor hugging and rocking my favorite little girl in the whole wide world and telling her over & over how sorry I was, how much I love her, that it wasn’t her fault, I know she didn’t do it on purpose, I’m the worst Mommy ever, I’ll see if I can fix the zipper thingy for her, etc.
I’m taking my frustration/stress/fear/anger that I should be accepting as my own and dealing with and I’m dropping them on her skinny little 4 year old shoulders. Yeah. I suck.