Welcome to my world. I *just* vacuumed... Wipe your feet before you come in.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


As Rod Stewart would say, “Tonight’s the night”.
We sort of wasted last night by spending the evening re-arranging the furniture on the living room. By the time we were finished, I was too tired to think about baby-makin’.

My evil plot.... oh. wait... I mean incredibly, sexy, romantic plan consists of plying him with red meat, Budweiser & Survivor. If I can bring myself to do it, I might even offer a back-rub. It’s generally not too bad since he considers backrubs foreplay. I hate giving backrubs…. It makes my carpal tunnel hurt. Hopefully in a couple weeks I can have some good news to share. I’ll make sure to get to Target & stock up on HPT’s.

For the past several months, I’ve been reading blogs of infertile gals, infertile gals who have had babies, gals who have had babies and are now infertile…..I never realized how hard it can be to have a child. While I have had a miscarriage, I also have 2 wonderful children. Dan was born when I was 17. yeah, I was young & stupid, I know. Yes, I finished high school & eventually married his father. Divorced him after 2 years, but hey.. I tried. 21 YEARS later, and after 10 years of a much happier, healthier marriage, I had Maggie. Now, I want another baby.
We don’t want Maggie to be an only child. We love the whole idea of having another. My fear is this…..what if I can’t?? I don’t know for a fact that there is anything “wrong”(???) with me other than the age factor, but I know women are having babies well into their 40’s and sometimes 50’s. If the m/c was just “something that happened” or was it my aged, decrepit, 40 year old body telling me to just knock-it-off, what-the-hell-were-you-thinking???

If, (pleaseGod,pleaseGod,prettyprettypleaseGod) I do get pregnant again, what changes do I make to this blog? Any?? What if I have another m/c?? Would I try again? No. I’m not real good at dealing with loss. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy (you know who you are, you conniving, judgmental, twofaced, slimy bitch!).

So I guess for now, I’ll try to keep my head in a good place; my heart will be full of hope, love & optimism. And if anybody up there is listening, my uterus will follow shortly with the whole hope, love & optimism thing…

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Great Pumpkin

Here's one of the only pics I was able to get on Sunday.... That's Maggie & her cousin Craig testing the sturdiness of the pumpkins at Linvilla Orchard.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Here we go again...

OK sports fans.... According to my charts, my "fields will be ready for planting" Wed, Thurs & Fri..I've already informed Joe of this factoid(over dinner last night!!!) so we'll see.

In other news, we visited Linvilla Orchards Pumpin Patch over the weekend. It was a beautiful, sunny, crisp fall day. I managed to get 4 or 5 pictures before THE FRIGGIN CAMERA DIED!!
:::note to husband::: Do NOT give your long-suffering-wife the digital camera if you have NOT recharged the damn batteries!!!

Thursday, October 13, 2005


OK, Internets.... I need your help.

Sunday, we were at my MIL's and Matt (BIL) started doing that song that plays when you are in a conga line.... you know.. Duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH, duh! duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH, duh......
Well, Maggie lost her little mind & was JAMMIN! I wish I had the camera for that one. (Ala Chookooloonks & Patti Labelle's ABC song)

Shakin' her little booty, snapping her fingers, her head was bobbing back and forth.
She did this for almost 5 minutes. Spinning around, clapping along with Matt. We were hysterical. Now I want to find the song so we can play it home for her.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Sometimes Men Say the DUMBEST Things

So, last night after I put Maggie to bed, Joe & I are sitting on the couch watching Commander In Chief, when out of the blue he turns to me & says, "So, when are your fields going to be ready for planting?"

Well, as creative as that may be, I didn't find it funny, or romantic, or even mildly amusing.

Everywhere I look, there are PREGNANT women!! I can't even watch the news without thinking about my fertility or lack thereof.
Of the 3 local tv stations here in the Philly 'burbs, there are 3 or 4 pregnant women. Most of them are the Meteorologists... whats up with that???
I think Sally Ann Mosey just doesn't look "right" unless she's pregnant.

I really thought that the miscarriage wasn't going to affect me like this. I thought I could handle this by myself. I went through the whole miscarriage alone (my choice) We were down the shore when the bleeding started. Joe packed up & drove me straight to the hospital at home. Once we got to the ER, I made him go home with Maggie. It was about 8 pm & she was getting tired, so I told him that HOME would be the best place for her. I was able to call him a few times to keep him updated on the situation: heading down to radiology now... 5wk fetal pole (I was 9 wks at that time) no heartbeat, D&E scheduled for later tonight... By the time the "associate-on-call" got around to me, (There was a delivery) it was almost 3 in the morning. The E.R. nurse & the OB kept commenting on how "strong" I was being to do this alone. Truth is, I didn't WANT the people I love to see me crying & weeping like a basket-case. I know if I called my mom she would have been there. At 3 A.M.
Joe would have called his mom to sit at the house while he came back to hold my hand. I didn't want to burden anyone with my sadness.

I hope & pray that next month, we can get pregnant & STAY pregnant. I'm not one to dwell on negatives, but I AM 40 years old. Talk about "old eggs"... But then again, "they" say that "40 is the new 30".

Monday, October 10, 2005

Another day in paradise

Monday, Monday.....So good to me.......

I don't really have anything to say today, I just wanted to try & post a pic of Maggie....

Here she is showing us how she does "Moose ears" My BIL has taught her all kinds of neat things....

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


Ok, so we've been "trying".
Still not pregnant.

There is a girl here at the office who conceived a few weeks after I did.
She's all giddy (which she has every right to be, stop being such a BITCH Cat!!!)
the only problem is that she comes to my office every day & tells me all about every little ache & pain she has. I.am.so.friggin.jealous.